Rage, the great motivator

A long time ago, I had an encounter that affected how approach people, goals, and possessions in Guild Wars and other MMOs.

At the time, Sarutobi wasn't level 20 yet. I hadn't even reached Yak's Bend yet, much less capped any elites, tested out PvP, visited FoW, etc. The game was still very fresh for me, and all I owned of it was Prophecies (to be fair, at the time, that's all that existed).

I joined a team that was attempting the Nolani Academy mission, and on the team was a level 20 female warrior, who was helping a friend complete the mission. She was an arrogant bitch, who immediately took control of the team, and started ordering everyone around. However, the orders summed up to:

"Stay back, I'm fighting"

If we tried to help, if we got too close, or even if we ran in to try to pick up drops from fallen foes, she'd yell and scream, threatening to drop team and make us finish without her.

At several points during the mission, my teammates fawned over her, asking about her armor and gear. She blatantly refused to answer any questions about them, stringing them along, only telling them how expensive they had been, and thusly, how rich she was. I know now that she wore Obsidian Armor, and wielded a Flamberge (No clue what the shield was, the warrior pictured left isn't her).

Needless to say, she pissed me off. After shitting on us for 20 minutes or so, she left talking about how grateful we should all be, that she did us this amazing favor.

Because of this player, I've always made sure that if I can, I take the time to assist others. I try to be generous with my time and resources, and when possible, will give people better gear. I visit lower level areas on occasion and offer to run missions and quests with player, and give advice on character builds and playstyle if it will help. This is true of Guild Wars, and of City of Heroes back when I still subscribed.

I also wanted to prove how powerful and self sufficient I could make myself. I wanted everyone to know that I would work with them, not for them, that I would cooperate, not follow orders.

Most importantly, when I PvP, once in a while, I hope that the bitch from Nolani Academy, with the Obsidian Armor, I hope that she's there, as an opponent. And on this rare occasion, when I remember her when I fight, I hope that she's one of the people I bring my hammer down on, and that she recognizes me, with my retarded name, as I rip her apart and leave her broken before me. I hope she sees me when I start to play that violin ever so softly, after each win.

Of course, this wasn't the first time I'd felt such a burning desire for "revenge".

A long, long time ago, even before this, I used to play Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction. At the time, I was almost solely focused on PvP, especially lld (low level dueling). I ran a level 18 assassin named Solaki. I found a forum created for LLDing in D2, and I started to visit it, trying to pickup tricks and tips that would help me. I came across this thread (which I'm amazed that I found again so easily after all these years), where an open challenge was issued to all level 18 east coast duelists.

Being the idiot I am, I messaged the guy, and set up a meet for a duel. He beat me hardcore. He started talking mad shit, over and over again, pretty much insulting me every way a person could be. I later found out that he was hated by everyone who dueled in that bracket, and that no one respected him.

I almost stopped PvPing all-together after that fight. But I was too pissed to stay away. That's when I made Slice_O_Rama. I figured I wasn't cut out for the lld bracket, so I made a mid-level assassin, who I geared and built to be the best and most powerful at her level. I succeeded, and reveled in the glory of being called a hacker and causing countless level 80+ mages to rage-quit from matches against me.

But I wasn't like HackX. I didn't shit on the people I beat. I talked trash, but not to people who were just there to have fun. I fought for fun, not to bully others. I existed in a happy medium where I only fought those of higher level than me, where I sat in on duels, ready to cream anyone who dared interfere.

It's really weird, that anger motivated me to drastically different paths.